Total Pageviews

Thursday, 12 January 2017

Sustainable Pain Relief

Written by Mathew Naismith

What a daunting few days I have had, got myself involved in a group discussion explaining labelling people toxic is toxic within itself, it's advisable to break this cycle of pain and abuse. I supported another person in this and it didn't go down well with a few people who are obviously in a lot of pain.

It's amazing how we don't realise how when in pain, we inadvertently continue the cycle of pain and abuse. Trying to explain this to people who are obviously bitter is daunting, there is no way they were going to accept this so they themselves became quite abusive. This topic was always going to be a touchy subject to discuss, the pain involved was quite overwhelming. I don't mean just the pain of past or present trauma, I mean the pain to realise you are yourself continuing the pain by being abusive yourself to others. You are in away continuing the cycle of abuse and pain, this is daunting for anyone to accept.

If the pain has created an inner bitterness within yourself, the realisation of yourself continuing this cycle becomes even more unacceptable. Imagine bitterly hating the abuser who gave you this pain in the first place and accepting you too are of this abusive cycle. It got to a point where these people would talk to each other while downing  me on my own post. They didn't even think that continuingly downing people between themselves on someone else post, was unbecoming in any sense. They were totally oblivious to themselves continuing on with the abusive cycle they themselves were subjected to, this was even after being informed of what they were doing. The type of abuse doesn't matter, abuse is abuse, if this cycle isn't broken, it will indeed turn a person very bitter.     

We also explained about how acting the victim is only going to lead to more pain, it's advisable to drop feeling the victim and get on with life void of making the pain from trauma even worse. Is trauma really worth this much energy? Trauma takes enough out of us already but we then give it even more time and energy by acting the victim.

I explained about how my own abuse didn't lead me to label my abusers toxic, this infuriated them because it seemed I was in competition with their own traumatic pain. There was too much ongoing pain which has lead to these people becoming quite bitter. The real problem then revealed itself, I was a man seemingly trying to compete and overlord these women, no matter what I said I was not going to make any difference. The other person involved in this was also a male. After talking with a male and a female privately, we all concurred there was a lot of male hating going on here as well. I learnt so much from this encounter and it would seem so did a number of other onlookers/observers.

I wrote the following post for this group to try to help in the healing process in regards to what we presently discussed. Going through trauma is painful enough, realising you have been continuing on with this trauma by acting the victim is even worse. We all should try to break the cycle of pain, desisting in playing the victim is a good start to this.                           

The Pain of Ascension/Transition

Talking with other people privately, there is a consensus that there is a lot of pain within this group, of course within any group, especially a large group, there is going to be pain. For any group situation to work out, it's for the benefit of the group to work through this.

This reality that we are transcending from is quite painful, more painful to some than others. In the west, we think going through a painful abusive relationship is the worse, people born in war torn countries who have everything taken from them, including family members, would think we are living in heaven. Could you imagine having your children taken from you to be used as sex objects? Imagine being powerless to do anything about this!!  

The point is, to successfully work through this we must first stop being the victim of these circumstances, all that being the victim does is create more pain and to an extreme, create inner bitterness.

How many people believe and act the victim of this reality? Transition pains are bad enough, adding to this by thinking your a victim of circumstance, is only going to add to this pain.

Are we truly victims? Actually yes, victims of our own actions of being and acting the victim, this is all. I'm in a country that has never seen war within the country itself in my lifetime, why would I act the victim in any circumstance?

The funny thing is, even if I was in a war torn country, I don't think I would still act the victim, I would hopefully work with what I have which is life itself as millions of people in the world do.

The pain of ascension can be made a lot easier on ourselves, it's really up to us. It's really not advisable to blame other people and the reality itself for this pain, this all rests with you.

Freeing ourselves form pain will take us to firstly realise we are playing the victim, only then can we stop the cycle of abuse and pain in the world today......   


  1. Thanks, for this post. i now see pain and abuse in a different light.

  2. My pleasure, I try to relay on what I have learnt with and from other people, it's apart of my process.