Thursday, 16 February 2017
Relationships - Focused Intentions
Written by Mathew Naismith
I am going to get quite personal here, being that relationships are of a personal nature, a nature of focused intentions. Of course if our intention where not focused on the relationship, it would not be personal. Personal to me means to focus our intentions on the other person within the relationship; you cannot truly have a personal relationship with another person if we do not have the right intentions of focus to start with.
In my 53 years, I have had only one girlfriend, my wife, this doesn't mean I did not experience focused intentional relationships with other women, this means to experience focused intentional relationships, one does not have to be of a girl or boyfriend status.
Before and in the early part of my relationship with my wife, I was experiencing intentional relationships with two other women, of course my wife was not my wife at this stage. My wife to be was another intentional relationship that I was experiencing at the time.
What I am talking about here is intentional relationships, not casual relationships, there is a difference. Intentional relationships refer to a relationship that our focus is on the other person on a personal level, this can incorporate lust or desire but this is not our main focus. In an intentional relationship, the focus is on the whole person, not one part of the person, for example, the way they look or smile. The focused intentions are on the whole person as a whole.
One of my intentional relationships was with a woman who loved sex, to the point of experiencing sex with multiple men at the same time; I however was not personally into this kind of experience myself. It became obvious to me though that she never experienced an intentional relationship before.
We were walking down the street one-day and I reached out for her hand to hold while we walked, she looked at me in total amazement. This women was treated as a slut/hussy by other men because her main focus of her relationships was based on sex, nothing else, in this case the whole person no longer existed. This woman was conditioned to accepting relationships that were not focused on the whole person, only part of a person, of course this kind of relationship is anything but based on intentional relationships.
It would seem at no point did any other man try to hold her hand while walking anywhere, mainly because she was labelled a slut/hussy, a person of ill repute. Men, who love sex, are labelled mucho or studs; however, women who love sex are often labelled and treated as sluts/hussies. I knew of this women's main focus but this did not worry me. The rebuttal I received from my family and friends was amazing, how dare I treat a known slut/hussy as a whole person. In my own mind how dare I not, it was this simple, I was not going to allow prejudice, bias or ill judgement to stop me from treating another person as whole being.
You see my main focus was on the whole being, if I was to only focus on parts of the being, I would have judged in accordance with a lot of other people. Being who I am, I focused my intentions on the overall being, which neutralised all other aspects, which then allowed us to experience an intentional relationship together, a relationship constructed around the whole being of a person, not parts of the being.
You certainly know when you experience a true relationship, it's whole, the same goes with our whole self which includes our whole environment, not just parts of the environment we have more desire to experience than other parts of the environment. How many peoepl look at our present environment like a slut/hussy? In doing so, we are missing out on so much because our main focus in on part of the whole, not on the whole.
We should all have a personal intentional focused relationship with our environment just the way it is; instead, we focus on parts of this environment while in disdain of the rest of the environment. Where is our personal intentional focused relationship in this? Of course within this mentality, we are going to be more in ill judgment of our environment, not less.
As I treated my women with respect void of bias or prejudice, I treat my whole environment with the same respect. I take my environment personally on an intentional relationship level, this means I embrace and accept the whole of my environment just the way it is, however, like in any relationship, if the intentions are one sided, it's time to move on or try to amend this situation.
In the end, I moved on from my other intentional relationships to marry my wife to be, I certainly have no regrets, but I also have no regrets in showing these other women in my life what an intentional relationship is like.
Your focused intentions must always be on the whole, only within this can we be whole ourselves and free from separation.